FoodBlog #8: Too Many MCs, not enough mics

Making lunch this afternoon, I remembered why I never make macaroni and cheese. It is an inordinate amount of work for such a mediocre pay off. When you end up having to wash more dishes than there are ingredients in what you’re making, then you know something is wrong.

Macaroni and Cheese ingredients:
1. Noodles
2. Milk
3. Butter
4. Cheese

Dishes I had to wash afterwards:
1. A pot for boiling the noodles and mixing everything together
2. Big Spoon for stirring
3. Measuring cup for the water and milk
4. Knife for cutting a stick of butter in half
5. Strainer for straining the noodles after boiling
6. The fork and plate I used to eat it

This is pretty retarded considering macaroni and cheese isn’t even terribly good. You could add hot dogs or something to it, but that would just be one more dish you have to wash. You could make easy mac, but that shit tastes nasty. This is why I’ve had 3 boxes of this crap sitting in my cupboard for a year now. Everything else I can make uses up less dishes and tastes at least as good.

If you don’t mind washing 900 dishes for a few servings of noodles with fake cheese, then fine. But I spent like half my afternoon on this when I could have been using that time for looking at porn or something.

They could have an episode of Iron Chef where the theme ingredient is macaroni and cheese, and they would spend the entire time just making the basic dish and not even have time to put some leaves on it or blend it into a purée or whatever else they do to food to make it fancy…

Judge: “Mmm, Iron Chef Cody, this is delicious mac and cheese. The texture bothers me a little bit, but the finish is smooth. I absolutely love the combination of butter and two percent milk. You used those two ingredients masterfully, and it really represents a respect for the ingredients. And the cheese in this dish is a character unto itself.”

Chairman Dacascos: “The Judges have spoken. And the winner is…Iron Chef Cody!”

Everybody cheers, and then I have sex with Iron Chef Cat Cora.

[UPDATE]
After writing this, I was informed that Iron Chef Cat Cora is, in fact, a lesbian and married to another woman and they have 4 kids. So the scenario of me having sex with her would probably not happen. But who cares? This isn’t real life, this is the internet. I can do whatever I want. Besides, just look at how hot she is:

oh my god.

Get me in a room together with her and Giada De Laurentiis and all kinds of unwanted pregnancies will come out of it. In addition to all the delicious meals of course.

[UPDATE #2]
I was also informed that my mom read this when it posted to Facebook and she immediately removed me from her friends list. Thanks mom. See if I care! I don’t want to be friends with you anyway!
*runs away crying*
But seriously, that’s kind of embarrassing. I don’t think she’s read anything here before and I hope to keep it that way for as long as possible. And at least it wasn’t the post where I wrote that fake porn script involving Sarah Palin and John McCain. I’m not even going to link to it because I know your tricks mom. I know what you’re up to. GO AWAY!