Ok everybody. After weeks of catching flies with chopsticks, kicking trees, and meditating, I have finally trained hard enough to be a pomegranate expert. It was a tough road for me, but it was well worth it. You know when army guys put a blindfold on then take their gun apart and put it back together in like a minute to show how badass they are? Well that is basically me with pomegranates now. I slice it up and the globules/fruit packets practically fly into my mouth with deadly accuracy.
I now view the process of dismembering these shimmering red spheres of sweet nectar as a challenge that only the willing and the worthy must undertake in order to reap the myriad rewards that this superfruit provides. At the same time, I can’t help but think that Pomegranates have become sort of a trendy thing recently.
A few years ago, these things were nowhere to be found. Now you see Pomegranate juice, gum, alcohol, ice cream, and probably fruit roll-ups, though I haven’t really looked into the fruit roll-up market recently. And it seems like it’s mostly girls who like them too. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been at work, seen some woman walk by the fruit section and go “OH MY GOD! I LOOOOVE POMEGRANATES!” And since it’s mostly women, that means that someone, whether on some episode of Grey’s Anatomy or Oprah or some other dumb shit thing that chicks watch, ate a Pomegranate and said it was good. Because girls will do anything that other girls do.
I don’t even want to look it up because I know it’s true. There is no other way to explain it. It’s not like some man invented Pomegranates in a laboratory and sold the rights to the economy 2 years ago. They’ve been around. So why now?
Oh well, I’m not complaining. At least now I have a failsafe for getting laid…
“Oh hey baby, what’s up?”
*I “accidentally” drop the bag I am carrying and Pomegranates spill out everywhere*
“Whoops! How did those get there? What? You love Pomegranates too? Oh man, I thought I was the only one! We have so much in common! What’s that? You want to touch me on the penis? Well, ok, I guess. Are you talking dirty to that pomegran-hold on. Why are you taking your clothes off? Jesus, can’t you at least wait until we get out of church?”
Always love to read more about pomegranates, glad you discovered their secret opening. If you want to read more, the most incredible writing about the ruby fruit is “Pomegranate Roads: A Soviet Botanist’s Exile from Eden” by Dr. Gregory Levin. He collected over 1000 varieties…take a look at http://www.floreantpress.com. Barbara
woah….Cody. I love pomegranates too, but we’re just friends! And besides, I don’t go to church!!!
Is someone advertising their book on your comments????
Love,
Bitch Slave (that is what I said right?)
Yes, someone is advertising their book on here. I only left it there because the name of the book is kind of hilarious. But I refuse to believe there are over 1000 varieties of Pomegranates. That doesn’t make sense.
And yes, you are a bitch slave.